Handling Disappointment

But that doesn't matter. Whether their motives are false or genuine, the message about Christ is being preached either way, so I rejoice. And I will continue to rejoice (Philippians 1:18 NLT).

For us to experience disappointment we must first have an expectation. Sometimes our expectations are unclear, maybe even to ourselves. This realization may not help us feel a lot better, but we should at least consider the possibility of our unclear expectations being the reason why we are disappointed. Furthermore, it may also be that we are disappointed because of unrealistic expectations — more often about what we expect of or from others than ourselves.

The apostle Paul reminds us to “not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart” (Galatians 6:9). Paul probably understood disappointment and even discouragement — especially when it came from brethren — more than almost anyone, except maybe the Lord himself.

Paul also mentions “danger from false brothers” (2 Cor. 11:26). It’s one thing to have to undergo hardship because of those who do not love the Lord, but it’s quite another level of disappointment — and possibly despair — when hardship comes from false brothers.

It’s hard to imagine that there were brothers who wanted to make Paul’s imprisonment worse, but there were. Paul briefly addresses his situation, and brings up a rather idealistic turn:

And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear. Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. (Philippians 1:14–18).

Writing to his preaching protege, Timothy, the apostle Paul reminded him of the reasons why he suffered, and that Timothy’s expectation should very well be the same:

You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, my persecutions and sufferings that happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, and at Lystra — which persecutions I endured; yet from them all the Lord rescued me. Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. (2 Timothy 3:10–13)

Timothy’s imprisonment can be inferred from the writer of Hebrews as he delivered the good news of Timothy’s release — “You should know that our brother Timothy has been released, with whom I shall see you if he comes soon” (Heb. 13:23). We know nothing about the details surrounding his being detained: whether it was to visit Paul (cf. 2 Tim. 4:11, 21) or for something else.

Getting back on point … We are going to suffer disappointment. Whether it comes from a coworker, neighbor, or friend; and, yes, it will feel worse when it comes from a brother or sister in Christ because we obviously expect better things from them.

So what can we do?

• We can begin by looking for spiritual stability and friendship with the Lord: He is the anchor of our souls (Heb. 6:13–20) and remains the same (Heb. 13:8–9).
• Prayer works (Luke 18:1 / Rom. 12:12 / 1 Thess. 5:17).
• We also need to remember that we, too, disappoint others — and we should give them the benefit of the doubt when we are disappointed by them because of God’s love for us all (Ecc. 7:21–22 / 1 Cor. 13:7 / 1 John 2:1–2, 4:19 / Rom. 3:23).
• We need to remember that God will judge, it’s not our place to exact revenge (Rom. 12:14, 17–21 / Heb. 10:30–31).
• Wait for the Lord (Psalm 27:13–14).